I have my flaws..sometimes,I even sin.

I am Dasha.
I love words. They're powerful. They capture my heart. You'll find not so random stuff here in my page. Stuff that reflect emotions, feelings. Stuff with hidden secrets behind them.
I laugh. I cry. I smile. I curse. I have the tendency to fall apart every time. I fall in love. I go crazy. I love my friends. I think stars are romantic. I love music..and fireworks..and lights. I love books and coffee. I'd love to dance under the rain, sing under the stars. I dream. Of places to go; of years to come; of feeling, seeking, taking everything the world has to offer; of independence and handling it well; of falling, falling full falling happy. There will be more. More DREAMS, big and beautiful and brave. Because if there is one person in this world who can do MORE THAN JUST DREAM, who can resist forever gazing up at the slow eternal dance of the stars, that would be ME.
Get curious. Ask something.

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April 18th, 2012

I saw this on my news feed on facebook. A friend of mine posted it. If I was able to hear this speech personally, I probably would have applauded the person ‘til my palms turn red. I am not exaggerating. I’m also not saying that we take education or our studies for granted BUT I totally agree with him. People are mostly blinded with lights and honor that no one ever notice the struggles of the ‘normal’ person. You see, I belong to the kind that the speaker was referring to. I definitely don’t brag about it but I’m not ashamed of it either. The most massive characters are those seared with scars.

“This speech was delivered by a La Sallian engineer in one of the graduation ceremonies at the UP College of Engineering.

Ngayong araw na ito, sa ating pagtatapos, mayroon akong dalang Transcript of Record. Ang estudyanteng may-ari ng transcript na ito ay nag-aral sa De La Salle University. Sa unibersidad na ito, kapag ikaw ay isang undergraduate, may ID number ka na nagsisimula sa “94” at pataas, kung lumipas ang isang buong school year at umabot ka sa 15 units na bagsak, masisipa ka sa paaralan.

Ang transcript na hawak ko ay mayroong 27 units ng bagsak. 12 sa mga ito ay tinamo ng estudyante sa iisang schoolyear lang. Ang isang subject ay kadalasang may bigat na 3 units. Kung iisiping mabuti, isang subject na bagsak na lang ay pwede na masipa ang estudyanteng may-ari ng transcript na ito.

Ang speech na ito ay hindi ko ginawa para i-acknowledge ang paghihirap ng ating mga magulang sa pagpapaaral satin. Hindi ko din ito ginawa para maghayag ng political statement, o kumbinsihin kayo na huwag umalis sa bansa at tulungan itong makaahon. Ang speech na ito ay para sa mga normal na estudyante na kagaya ng may may-ari ng transcript na hawak ko, dahil madalas, wala talagang pakialam ang unibersidad sa mga achievements nila. May mga awards na gaya ng “Summa Cum Laude”, “Best Thesis Award” at “Leadership Award.” Pero ni minsan, hindi pa ako nakakakita ng unibersidad na nagbigay ng “Hang-on and managed to graduate despite nearly getting kicked-out during his academic stay” award.

Maaaring isang malaking kagaguhan ang konseptong ito para sa karamihan. Bakit mo pararangalan ang isang estudyanteng bulakbol, bobo, tamad o iresponsable? Hindi ba dapat isuka ito ng unibersidad? Ito yung mga tipo ng estudyanteng walang ia-asenso sa buhay, hindi ba?

Ayun. Natumbok niyo.Iyun na nga ang dahilan.

Madalas, pag ang isang estudyante ay may pangit na marka sa paaralan, lalong lalo na sa kolehiyo, nakakapanghina ito ng loob. Nandiyan yung tatamarin ka mag-aral, nandyan yung iisipin mo “Ano pa kayang trabaho ang makukuha ko? Call center na naman o clerical? Ba’t kasi ang bobo ko. Kung matalino lang ako, sana, sa Proctor and Gamble ako, o kung saang sikat na kumpanya.”

Mas mahirap ang dinadaanan ng mga estudyanteng bumabagsak. Kahit na sabihin mong kasalanan nilang bumabagsak sila, hindi ninyo alam kung ano ang pakiramdam ng ganun. Madaling sabihin na “Kaya mo yan, mag-aral ka lang,” pero alam ba natin talaga ang sinasabi natin?

Kapag ang isang estudyante ay bumabagsak sa unibersidad, nandiyan yung tatawanan niya lang yan. O di kaya naman, ipagmamalaki niya pang “TAKE 5 NA KO!!!” o “Pare, magpi-PhD na ako sa Anmath3/Calculus/etc.” Pero hindi alam ng mga isang Summa Cum Laude kung ano ang nasa isip ng isang normal na estudyante sa tuwing matutulog ito at alam niyang pag-gising niya, kailangan niya na namang ulitin ang isang subject na nakuha niya na sa susunod na term.

Kahit kalian, hindi naging problema sa “Star Student” na sabihing “Nay, bagsak ako.” at hindi kailanman sumagi sa isip nila na “Paano kaya kung sa walang-pangalang kumpanya lang ako makapagtrabaho?” Dahil sigurado sila sa kinabukasan nila.

Huwag na tayong maglokohan. Grades are everything. Kahit bali-baligtarin mo iyan, hindi magiging patas ang mga kumpanyang kumukuha ng fresh graduates para magtrabaho sa kanila. Minsan din naman, nadadaan sa palakasan, pero ganun pa din. Kung hindi ka academically good, wala kang patutunguhan. Kung hindi man yun, mas mahirap yung dadaanan mo para lang makaabot sa prestihiyosong posisyon.

Kaya ngayong graduation, ang speech na ito ay inaaalay ko para sa mga estudyanteng lumagpak, muntik-muntikan nang masipa o yung sa lahat ng paraang pwede, ginawa na para lang makatapos. Gagawin kong patas ang mundo para sa inyo kahit isang araw lang. Kahit ano pa ang sabihin ng ibang tao, kesyo kasalanan mo man na pangit ang marka mo o muntik ka nang makick-out, saludo ako sa hindi mo pagtigil sa pag-aaral. Saludo ako na may lakas ka ng loob na harapin pa rin ang mundo kahit alam mong hindi ito magiging patas sa iyo. Saludo ako na kahit pangit ang transcript mo, taas noo ka pa rin ngayong graduation at proud na proud sa sarili mo.

Ano ngayon ang mangyayari sa mga graduates pagkatapos nitong graduation? Ayoko nang puntahan yung pwedeng mangyayari sa mga Cum Laude. Baduy. Alam mo namang may patutunguhan ang buhay nila e. Pero dun sa mga lumagpak, ano ang meron?

Maaring makakuha kayo ng mediocre na trabaho lang. Pwede ka rin swertehin, baka makapagtrabaho ka sa magandang kumpanya. Madami pang pwedeng mangyari. Huwag kayong mawalan ng pag-asa. Kung nung college, nagtiyaga kayo e ba’t titigilan niyo yung pagti-tiyaga ngayon?

Pwede ring ganito: Mag-aral ka ulit. Ipakita mo sa kanila na kung sisipagin ka lang, malayo ang mararating mo. Subukan mong patunayan sa kanila na kapag pinilit mo, kaya mo ring abutin yung naabot nila. Na hindi ka bobo, kundi tinamad ka lang.

Baka sabihin ninyo, drowing lang ako.

I’ve been on both sides. Naranasan ko na ring lumagpak, at muntikan na din akong masipa. Naranasan ko na ang umulit ng 4 na beses sa iisang subject. Naranasan ko na ang masumbatan ng magulang, kapatid at kung sino-sino pang propesor na walang pakialam sa pakiramdam ng estuyante. Naranasan ko nang hindi makatulog ng maraming gabi sa pagiisip kung paano ko na naman sasabihin sa magulang ko na may bagsak na naman ako. Kaya alam ko ang pakiramdam ninyo.

Akin ang transcript na ito.

Pagkagraduate ko ng college, ano ang ginawa ko? Eto. Nagtrabaho muna ng konti, tapos aral ulit. Kuha ng Masteral sa kurso ko. Hindi para sa trabaho o kung ano man. Kundi para patunayan sa sarili ko na noong mga panahong bumabagsak ako, tinatamad lang ako.

This is a rebellion. I raise my middle finger to every professor, over-achiever, naysayer and detractor THAT TOLD ME THAT I CAN’T MAKE IT. I raise my middle finger to every valedictory or graduation speech that only gratifies the university, those who were achievers in school or those who gratify the country when it’s supposed to be the graduate’s moment of glory. You are supposed to acknowledge EVERYONE. Even those who failed many times.

Kaya sa inyong mga graduates na medyo hindi maganda ang marka, para sa inyo ito. Kung kinaya ko ito, kaya niyo rin to. Imposibleng hindi.”

December 29th, 2011
For what it’s worth -it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it -I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you have a life you’re proud of -If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

(Source: soopermeanie)

October 14th, 2011
Just when everyone else is restless and anxious, I have already calmed down. And I turn to this part of one of my favorite books. #245. Never cut what can be untied. I’ve realized many things today. I’ve realized just how my life goes. I knew what’s going to happen already but even if I tried to prepare myself, it still struck me. I’ve always been a person who does what is expected of me. I’ve always taken what others would believe is the best. I’ve always wanted to please people who didn’t really matter. I’ve always been careful and wanted everything perfect just so I wouldn’t disappoint others. I’ve always cared what others would say. And just now I realized, what the hell was I thinking?! And now I say, “No one’s going to live my life but me. And I actually think it’s not selfish to do WHAT I want especially when all along I’ve been merely doing things what I thought and what they thought was right. I could never ever please everybody. There will always be those who will say bad things about me and judge me. And it’s even funnier that the people who have the most to say about you are the ones who knows least of you. It’s right when someone told me ‘Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.’ And I have the people closest to me who believes and will always support me. I know they want me to be happy and I’m taking a step to be. This time I want to take things on my own pace. So what if it would take me longer than usual? I would still get there. I think it’s just time to focus on the things that matter. I think it’s time I think of myself. I know it’s not easy because of those things that I’m used to. But I’ve been pushing myself too much. I’m going to slow down, maybe pause for quite some time but definitely not going to stop. And I won’t give up on the things that make me smile.” And oh, (pardon me for the language but) PROPRIETY BE DAMNED.

Just when everyone else is restless and anxious, I have already calmed down. And I turn to this part of one of my favorite books.

#245. Never cut what can be untied.

I’ve realized many things today. I’ve realized just how my life goes. I knew what’s going to happen already but even if I tried to prepare myself, it still struck me. I’ve always been a person who does what is expected of me. I’ve always taken what others would believe is the best. I’ve always wanted to please people who didn’t really matter. I’ve always been careful and wanted everything perfect just so I wouldn’t disappoint others. I’ve always cared what others would say. And just now I realized, what the hell was I thinking?!

And now I say, “No one’s going to live my life but me. And I actually think it’s not selfish to do WHAT I want especially when all along I’ve been merely doing things what I thought and what they thought was right. I could never ever please everybody. There will always be those who will say bad things about me and judge me. And it’s even funnier that the people who have the most to say about you are the ones who knows least of you. It’s right when someone told me ‘Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.’ And I have the people closest to me who believes and will always support me. I know they want me to be happy and I’m taking a step to be. This time I want to take things on my own pace. So what if it would take me longer than usual? I would still get there. I think it’s just time to focus on the things that matter. I think it’s time I think of myself. I know it’s not easy because of those things that I’m used to. But I’ve been pushing myself too much. I’m going to slow down, maybe pause for quite some time but definitely not going to stop. And I won’t give up on the things that make me smile.”

And oh, (pardon me for the language but)

PROPRIETY BE DAMNED.

October 11th, 2011
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

I’ve been listening to OPM lately. I’ve realized how wonderful the lyrics of Hale’s Blue Sky is. It’s always been a good song but at times like this, it’s just perfect.

When do stars fade their light?

Does the moon and the sun make it right?

For you the world maybe

Like an endless storm chasing a mystery

Is there hate in your heart?

Does your body drop and tell you to stop?

Loving you or loving me

When it all falls down you just sing with me

Coz there’s a blue sky waiting tomorrow

Waiting tomorrow shining and shimmering

A blue sky waiting tomorrow

Waiting tomorrow

Maybe it’s all we need.

Oh, don’t you wash away that smile

You just look out the window and see the light

It’s beautiful to be alive

It’s wonderful to live a life

The sun is sure to shine

For you and me for everyone

So don’t be sad it’s just the start

Of a new beginning in your life

Rain will keep on pouring

Some things you can’t control

While the sun seems far and hard to hold

It will unfold.

There will always be a blue sky

A blue sky waiting tomorrow full of hope.

(Source: soopermeanie)

Finals week is over. And here comes the anxiety of waiting for the results. The grades. After an exam for one of our most difficult subjects, we went to the church. We saw some of our classmates and one of them was holding pieces of recycled paper. She was letting others pick one and read what they’ve chosen. I asked her if I could try and she nodded with a smile. It said, “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word do I hope.” (Psalm 130:5) It was a perfect bible verse for the situation I am in. It amazed me actually. Then she said, “Ibig sabihin lang niyan ate, ‘wag kang mawalan ng pag- asa.” And smiled at me and hugged me. I just have to wait what’s gonna come out and believe that whatever the result is, I just have to accept it. If it’s not what I wanted and expected then I should not lose hope.

Finals week is over. And here comes the anxiety of waiting for the results. The grades. After an exam for one of our most difficult subjects, we went to the church. We saw some of our classmates and one of them was holding pieces of recycled paper. She was letting others pick one and read what they’ve chosen. I asked her if I could try and she nodded with a smile. It said,

“I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word do I hope.” (Psalm 130:5)

It was a perfect bible verse for the situation I am in. It amazed me actually. Then she said, “Ibig sabihin lang niyan ate, ‘wag kang mawalan ng pag- asa.” And smiled at me and hugged me.

I just have to wait what’s gonna come out and believe that whatever the result is, I just have to accept it. If it’s not what I wanted and expected then I should not lose hope.

October 10th, 2011

(Source: thesunflowerjourney, via chocolateicekim)